


FitzSimmons watches The Name of the Doctor

by lemonypond



Series: FitzSimmons watches Doctor Who [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Recovery, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 08:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2461601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonypond/pseuds/lemonypond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons watch Doctor Who. Spoilers for The Name of the Doctor. Spoilers for the second season of Agents of Shield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FitzSimmons watches The Name of the Doctor

If anyone bothered to ask him, Leo Fitz would tell you he was a bit of a loner. But ever since Ward chucked him and Simmons out of the Bus and into the ocean, no one really bothered to ask him anything. It was as if they were scared he might crumble, like a sandstone in the desert. In a way he couldn’t blame them; and if he were in their shoes he rationalized that he’d probably do the same. 

The only person that had ever bothered to ask, that had ever mattered, was gone. He didn’t know where she was or why she was gone. She had been gone so long that he started to rationalize all the possible reasons that she would leave.  She felt sorry for him. She didn’t love him. He pushed her away. She couldn’t see past his brain injury. He told himself these things and he knew deep down they weren’t true, but they made the pain of her absence less.  The other thing that made her absence less painful was that he saw here everywhere. 

At first, it was only in his dreams. She’d talk to him, tell him she missed him. Asked how he was doing. It was just Jemma being Jemma; supportive and kind, with a thousand watt smile. He would talk out his day, his frustrations, and his feelings with his best friend. She’d place her hand on his shoulder and he’d feel better. Then later he’d begun to see her during the day, too. She was in the lab with him. She’d help him with his projects, with his words. One time she even followed him into the bathroom, but he quickly kicked her out. 

His brain wouldn’t let him get his words out still, and it drove him mad. He wanted to kick something, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and he wanted her back home. He was so lonely. Skye and Trip seemed so scared of him, and they weren’t geniuses so how could they possibly understand how infuriating it was to not be able to speak in complete sentences. Coulson didn’t seem to care and wasn’t even around, and May-she tried. But she still chose her words carefully. She thought he didn’t know, but he did. He was even being replaced. Mack was good with mechanics and Hunter was British. Simmons, the one in his head, told him that he was twice the man that they were; literally-it took two men to even come close to replacing him. It helped; but he still felt the way he did when he was a kid at the academy. Alone and unappreciated. 

The team went on missions and he was grounded. He could barely get any work done in the lab, so he got it. If he could barely be a scientist how the hell could he be a SHIELD agent in the field? He wasn’t even qualified to be an agent in the field before his brain turned into pudding. So he blew off steam with Mack, playing video games. It was good for improving his motor control, and Mack at least looked at him like a person.  But they couldn’t play games _all_ the time. Sometimes Mack had things to do. So he went into his room and watched Doctor Who, with Jemma, like the old days. 

“There you are,” she said as he shut the door. “Did you have fun with Mack? You know I like him.” 

“Yeah, yeah he’s alright. We had fun…what have you been up to?” he asked. 

She looked away at the corner of the floor. There was a dust bunny dancing along the door as it closed. “Oh you know…a little of this, a little of that…everyone’s gone on a mission again, huh? They’ve left us here?” 

“Yeah…” his eyes were as dark as his mood. “We…I should be out there, with them, not here.” He threw himself on his bed, next to the Jemma that only he could see. She smoothed the hair on his head as he laid there, curled in a fetal position. “They won’t be back for hours, maybe…maybe…ma…days. Who the hell knows anymore…”

“Fitz, you’re still a part of this team, this isn’t permanent. You’re getting better every day.” 

“Am I?” The frustration was building up again. “I’m broken Jemma.” He reached up for her hand and he rolled over on his back. He placed her hand over his heart with both of his. 

“Yes. And I’m not the only one that sees it. Didn’t you tell help with Creel last week?” 

“Well, yes…but that was with, with…” He shook his foot in frustration. 

“My help? No Fitz, that was all you. I was just there.” Her words were kind and her hands were soft. 

He smiled a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s true.” Her words were playful and her lips twitched with suppressed laughter. “So what’s on the agenda tonight? Reading? Counting ceiling tiles? Maybe a little Doctor Who? Hmm? That always cheers you up.” 

“Except when it doesn’t,” Fitz was staring the dust bunny, now sitting lifeless next to a stack of books. He felt like the dust bunny. 

“What is this?” Jemma asked, removing her hand from Fitz’s chest. “You don’t want to go off on an adventure in time and space?” She looked shocked and hurt. 

“I wish we had a TARDIS…if we had a TARDIS…we could’ve…could’ve…” he scrunched his eyes, reliving those final moments in the pod. The tears, the words, the sound of the glass shattering, of water rushing. He shook again, this time it was his whole body. 

Jemma frowned. She couldn’t help him, not with that. She reached down to smooth his hair again. “Hey…hey…shhhh…shhh…I know. It’s okay.” 

“Jemma, nothing’s ever going to be the same again is it?” his voice was thick with the tears he was choking back. 

“Probably not,” she sighed, looking away from him, looking as if she were about to break herself.  “But that’s not a bad thing, Fitz. It’s a brave new world, Leo Fitz. And we’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Want to watch, Doctor Who, then?” he asked, not looking up at her. 

She grinned. “Now you’re talking.” She clapped him on the shoulder. ”Now get up and grab your tablet, I’ve been waiting for this all day. And grab a few pillows while you’re at it.” 

Fitz inhaled sharply and sat up. He rummaged in the closet for an extra pillow. Finding two, he then grabbed the tablet from his desk and pulled up the file for “The Name of the Doctor.” They hadn’t watched that one in a while, and he really missed Eleven and the time before everything changed. 

“Grab a blanket, too Fitz, you always get cold.” 

He held up his hand, showing he had already grabbed one, smiling as he did so. “ _You_ always get cold.” 

“Because _you_ always hog the blanket,” she raised an eyebrow. 

“Fair…p…point. Scoot over.” 

She did and he propped the tablet up at the foot of the bed. He wrapped them both up in the blanket. Jemma dropped her head on his shoulder. Fitz smiled fully for the first time in weeks. 

“Oooh, I love this one, it’s got Vastra and Jenny and River.” 

“Me too.” 

“Fitz, you hungry? We could go grab some snacks…” Jemma sat up straight, reaching to go for the door. 

“No, I’m fine, let’s just watch,” Fitz reached for her hand, catching her wrist. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jemma turned around, meeting his eyes, which were sad again. It happened so often these days. Good spirits one moment, darkness the next. She was alarmed that Fitz turned down food. 

“Shhh, let’s just watch and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist, okay?” His voice was far away. 

“Oh. O-Okay.” Jemma sat back down and curled up next to Fitz once more. 

They sat mostly in silence, occasionally laughing at the funny bits and frowning at the serious ones. The bad guy was trying to ruin the Doctor’s timestream. Every victory was turning into a defeat. His friends were dying. 

From the tiny speakers of the tablet, the words of River Song and the Doctor spoke. They had a complex relationship. She died saving his life the first time he met her. She also killed him, but that was complicated. They were married. During his first meeting with her he saved her consciousness and stored it, just moments before it was lost. It was all so dramatic. His life was so intertwined with hers, for hundreds of his years. He couldn’t bear with the thought of her being gone from his life completely. From time to time the “dead” River Song was still actively a part of his life. Fitz had tried to explain it all to Skye once. She just nodded and smiled before sneaking off to the kitchen. 

In this episode, it was the “dead” River Song helping Clara navigate this story, helping her to help the Doctor. 

River yelled, and the Doctor turned, grabbing her arm. She recoiled. She realized the Doctor could see her. 

 _“How are you even doing that?!? I’m not really here,” River said, shocked._

_“You are always here to me and I always listen. And I can always see you.”_

_“Then why didn’t you speak to me?” River asked, her eyes wide._

_“Because I thought it would hurt too much,” the Doctor’s face was stern, his eyes were dark._

_“I believe I could have coped,” River responded._

_“No…I thought it would hurt me…and I was right,” The Doctor told her._

Jemma sat up, nervous. She looked at Fitz, then looked towards the door. She swallowed before speaking, carefully choosing her words. “How long have you known?”  
  
Fitz stared holes into the wall in front of him. He breathed a few slow breaths, trying to get his head and his mouth to work together. He shifted his body to face Jemma, who was still sitting on the bed, shock written all over her face. 

“I always knew. I know you’re not here. I…but you not being here just hurts so damn much, Jemma.” His words were clear. His voice was strong. He refused to cry. 

“But why Fitz?” Jemma looked wounded. 

“Where are you, really? And why haven’t you called? It’s been weeks.” Fitz looked much younger than his years.

Jemma sighed, tilting her head to look at him. “You know I can’t tell you that.” 

“Because you’re in my head, and I don’t know. I get it." 

“Yes, that. But also it’s complicated, Fitz. I can’t be…” 

“-in two places at once. Yeah, I got that. But you kind of are, which is what I need, so please don’t go, now that you know that I know.” Fitz managed a weak smile, which she reciprocated. 

“You know I didn’t leave because of you.” She tipped her head down, trying to get him to look her in the eyes. 

“Didn’t you?” he asked, desperately wanting clarification. 

“Fitz…” Jemma rolled her eyes. “It’s not that easy.” 

Fitz looked away. The dust bunny by the books was gone. He was afraid that when he looked back, Jemma would be gone too. He was relieved when she was still there. 

“I will be here as long as you need me here,” she said, reaching forward to place her hand back on his heart. He reflexively grabbed for it. 

The tears welled up and he looked up and around the room trying to will them to drain before they ran down his face. “I will always need you here, Jemma. I’m not me without you.” He looked down at his lap. 

She slid her hand from his and with one finger raised his chin up. “Yes you are. I don’t want to hear you say that again. Leo Fitz, you are your own man. You are a genius. And you are handsome. Wait, Fitz…why am I saying this, I would never tell you this.” She knit her eyebrows together in confusion. 

“You’re in my head, remember?” He smirked. 

She smirked back. “Very funny. See? You’re doing just fine. I’ll be back soon-the real me- and you’ll be back on missions and everything will be just fine. Hey…you haven’t lost your words this whole conversation. That’s not nothing, Fitz.” 

“Yeah.” 

Jemma bit her lip, looking around the room. “Fitz…” 

“Hmm?” 

“Sorry about the incident in the bathroom.” Her face was red with embarrassment. 

“Ah that, yeah. I hadn’t thought about that. Let’s not talk about that again.” 

“It’s forgotten,” she smiled. He knew she was lying. 

“Jemma, it’s late, I think I’m going to go to sleep now. You should go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

She frowned. “If you’re sure…goodnight, Fitz.” She stood up, kissed the top of his head, then left the room. 

He sat there, alone in his room, alone in his thoughts. He didn’t like it. He grabbed the pillow from behind him, and hugged it close to his chest. He sat there, the seconds ticked slowly off the clock Then he heard a knock on his door. 

“Come in,” he said loudly. 

“You should go to bed Fitz, stop being so pouty. Big day tomorrow.” It was Jemma, she had a book and a cup of tea in her hands. “Sweet dreams, Fitz.” With a wink and a smile, she disappeared again. 

And he turned off the light and went to sleep.


End file.
